Dental History Chiseled in Stone

This month we are honoring the memory of the late Lamar Wedelstaedt (1846-1919), former Herr Direcktor of the Dental Division of the Krupp Werke, GmbH. If everyone would please glove up and carefully withdraw the Wedelstaedt chisel of his choice from a sterile packet and raise it ... Excuse me? You don’t have a Wedelstaedt chisel? Not one? Well, although a poor second choice, I suppose an enamel hatchet will do or perhaps a 6 1/2 x 2 1/2 x 9 hoe. What! None of those either? A gingival third margin trimmer then? No? How old are you, anyway?

I’m not surprised. These young dentists today -- give them an air abrasion unit and a $40,000 laser and they think they’re doing operative dentistry. G.V. Black -- may he rest in peace -- must be spinning in his resting place. If he were alive today, discovering that his sacred concept of "extension for prevention" was now a reference to automobile bumpers and roll bars would kill him.

Approximately 72,000 hours of my life during the period from 1939 to 1943 were spent absorbing absolutes promulgated by the Operative Department at school. These were the same commandments dictated to Dr. Black atop Mt. Sinai. Engraved in stone, these dictates, I believed, would last forever, but the granite turned to clay. Only the guilt remains. What is a Class II cavity prep without extension for prevention? A major hang-up is what. Proving that you may be able to teach an old dog new tricks, but you can’t make him forget the old ones.

But 72,000 hours wasted! I could have been researching interpersonal relationships with the opposite sex, honing my pickup lines or converting old wheelchairs into dune buggies -- the lost opportunities are endless.

So I suppose there’s no point in laying on a big retrospective honoring old Wedelstaedt any more than for the guy who invented the buggy whip or the gas-powered nasal hair trimmer. The transitory nature of dentistry is only a reflection of all other facets of life except Death and Taxes. Maybe Black and Weber and S.S. White and the dentist who pounded the last gold foil can do lunch with Wedelstaedt over a flagon of Bombay gin in some celestial watering hole and commiserate about the state of the art.

As for me, old Hugh Friedy and I are double-dating with the Scaler twins, Gracey and Jacquette at the Zeza Bar and Drill. Over chipped beef on toast, we’re going to discuss the conversion of their outmoded facilities to the promotion of a Tooth-of-the-Month Club.

Briefly, each month for 28 months, we will send members a brand new, individually crafted, porcelain replica of a real tooth. Upon completion of their collection, they will receive at no extra cost, a bonus set of false gums that are virtually undetectable except under fluorescent light or vigorous probing. We feel that this offer should appeal especially to those who recently purchased the Final Answer OTC Aqua Regia/87% Carbamide Peroxide Kit at Pick’n Sav.

In the meanwhile, should any of you old-timers start to wax sentimental over yesterday’s armamentaria, you can check out the chisels, hatchets, hoes and the rest over at your local True Value hardware store. They probably have replacement pulley wheels for your Doriot handpiece and a nifty selection of half-circle green-and-black rubber mats too.